Take Back Control of Your Life: Master the Art of Everyday Assertiveness
Do you struggle to say no? Do you constantly put others' needs before your own?
In this video, we'll delve into the key concepts from Patrick King's book, The Art of Everyday Assertiveness, and equip you with the tools you need to confidently stand up for yourself and get what you want.
Hear it Here - https://bit.ly/assertivenessking
https://www.amazon.com/Art-Everyday-Assertiveness-Boundaries-Control-ebook/dp/B07N51DJ5V
You'll learn:
The importance of assertiveness in achieving your goals
How to identify and challenge the beliefs that hold you back from speaking your mind
Practical strategies for setting healthy boundaries and protecting your time and energy
Effective communication techniques for saying no gracefully and without guilt
How to prioritize your own happiness and well-being
This video is your roadmap to a more assertive and fulfilling life. Stop letting others dictate your choices – take charge and start living on your own terms! Today's episode is from the book 'The Art of Everyday Assertiveness' by Patrick King. In this book, Patrick King teaches you how to stand your ground without guilt, fear, or awkward tension. Finally, get what you deserve and stop 'letting it slide.' Stop enabling, sacrificing your needs, people pleasing, and being so 'agreeable.' This is a guide for the chronically 'nice,' 'overwhelmed,' and 'accommodating.' The Art of Everyday Assertiveness is available on Amazon, and the audiobook is available on Amazon, iTunes, and Audible. Assertiveness requires a delicate balance, especially if you are new to it. You may have started as too passive, but take care to not swing into the aggressive territory where you are robbing other people of their needs. You can’t control what others do or how they might respond to you, but you can control your own behavior.
Remember Tony Robbins' six needs of human happiness: certainty, variety, significance, love and connection, growth, and contribution. These are what's at stake every time you choose to shrink away from asserting yourself.
Ultimately, the power to live as you want is within your hands, not dictated by others' acceptance. Yes, sometimes this might ruffle some feathers, but you're not living for them.
And finally, don't forget to write down your personal bill of rights and post it somewhere visible. These are your rights, not privileges.
The Art of Everyday Assertiveness by Patrick King is available on Amazon, and the audiobook is available on Amazon, iTunes, and Audible
Transcript
The Art of Everyday Assertiveness:
Speaker:Speak Up. Set Boundaries. Say No. Take Back Control. Get What You Want. Written by
Speaker:Patrick King
Speaker:Narrated by Russell Newton.
Speaker:What does assertiveness mean to you?
Speaker:I can tell you what it means to me -
Speaker:freedom.
Speaker:It’s not necessarily freedom from
Speaker:others or from the obligations in my
Speaker:life,
Speaker:but assertiveness is the freedom to
Speaker:choose what I want to do and not be
Speaker:beholden to people,
Speaker:places,
Speaker:and things.
Speaker:It might sound insignificant,
Speaker:but it’s absolutely not.
Speaker:It’s analogous to the difference
Speaker:between feeling like you’re drowning
Speaker:versus treading water effortlessly.
Speaker:And if it sounds familiar,
Speaker:then welcome to the first step in
Speaker:taking back your time,
Speaker:energy,
Speaker:and life.
Speaker:I’m a recovering people-pleaser,
Speaker:passive person,
Speaker:and overall doormat.
Speaker:I realize now that I acted in this
Speaker:manner for a few reasons.
Speaker:First,
Speaker:I didn’t know that it was okay to say
Speaker:no to people.
Speaker:Second,
Speaker:I felt like people would hate me if I
Speaker:disagreed with them.
Speaker:Third,
Speaker:I literally didn’t know the words to
Speaker:use.
Speaker:These things sound almost silly to read
Speaker:back as I write them,
Speaker:but I know I’m not alone in
Speaker:them—I’ll dig into these factors
Speaker:deeper in later chapters.
Speaker:I wrote this book as much for me as for
Speaker:you.
Speaker:Becoming an assertive person who knows
Speaker:how to stand up for themselves takes
Speaker:far more than a few simple phrases in
Speaker:the guise of communication skills.
Speaker:It requires a deep look into the
Speaker:relationship you have with others,
Speaker:and more importantly,
Speaker:the relationship you have with yourself.
Speaker:That’s why you’ll go to extreme
Speaker:lengths to avoid conflict,
Speaker:unable to express yourself clearly and
Speaker:fairly without your emotions sabotaging
Speaker:you.
Speaker:That’s also why you’ll beat
Speaker:yourself up for being such a pushover,
Speaker:losing your temper,
Speaker:or following orders against your better
Speaker:nature.
Speaker:Assertiveness is,
Speaker:in theory,
Speaker:as easy as saying those simple phrases
Speaker:- “No,” “I don’t want to,”
Speaker:and “Are you trying to take advantage
Speaker:of me?"
Speaker:But in practice,
Speaker:it’s one of the most difficult lines
Speaker:to tread.
Speaker:How can you get your message across
Speaker:without insulting or enraging others?
Speaker:Is there a way to balance your needs
Speaker:with the requests of others?
Speaker:Let’s take a look at a scenario that
Speaker:is likely familiar,
Speaker:from one perspective or another.
Speaker:Three friends had been meaning to meet
Speaker:up,
Speaker:so Keisha booked a table for dinner
Speaker:that night.
Speaker:She ordered the most expensive meal
Speaker:because her promotion allowed her to
Speaker:treat herself.
Speaker:Michael hadn’t told them he was
Speaker:recovering from gastric flu and
Speaker:didn’t order food,
Speaker:excusing himself,
Speaker:sweating and shaking,
Speaker:to throw up halfway through the meal.
Speaker:Gita had paid out for unexpected car
Speaker:repairs that day and,
Speaker:hiding a gasp when she saw the prices,
Speaker:just ordered a side dish so she could
Speaker:afford a much-needed drink.
Speaker:When the bill came,
Speaker:Keisha told the waiter they would split
Speaker:it three ways.
Speaker:Michael resented paying for their food
Speaker:when he should have been at home in
Speaker:bed,
Speaker:but he agreed,
Speaker:not wanting to disappoint Keisha.
Speaker:Gita,
Speaker:probably helped along by the house wine
Speaker:on an almost empty stomach,
Speaker:passive-aggressively groused that
Speaker:Keisha was too controlling and they
Speaker:should have canceled.
Speaker:There was palpable tension in the air
Speaker:until things became obvious and plain.
Speaker:“Why didn’t you both just say?"
Speaker:Keisha asked as she theatrically paid
Speaker:for the entire meal amidst protests
Speaker:that turned into deafening silence.
Speaker:That was the last time they met up as
Speaker:friends.
Speaker:Most people can remember a time when
Speaker:they have played the role of Keisha,
Speaker:Gita,
Speaker:or Michael.
Speaker:Assertiveness would have been a very
Speaker:welcome fourth dinner guest.
Speaker:Michael’s passive behavior stemmed
Speaker:from feeling too guilty to tell Keisha
Speaker:he wasn’t well enough to meet up;
Speaker:he felt obligated to make it out.
Speaker:Gita was ashamed of her financial
Speaker:situation and fearful of judgment,
Speaker:which bubbled into mistrust of
Speaker:Keisha’s intentions.
Speaker:Despite Keisha’s outward appearance,
Speaker:her low self-worth fueled her
Speaker:aggressive behavior surrounding where,
Speaker:when,
Speaker:and how they ate together.
Speaker:Have you been any or all of these
Speaker:people on some occasion?
Speaker:Assertiveness allows you to let people
Speaker:know where you stand,
Speaker:but in a way that doesn’t change your
Speaker:relationship,
Speaker:and doesn’t attach negativity to the
Speaker:situation.
Speaker:If those things do happen,
Speaker:it won’t be because of your actions
Speaker:or words.
Speaker:Think of assertiveness as a bubble
Speaker:protecting your values,
Speaker:availability,
Speaker:capability,
Speaker:and needs—your confident bodyguard
Speaker:who stops things from spiraling out of
Speaker:control.
Speaker:Being assertive is calmly standing up
Speaker:for your rights and respectfully
Speaker:influencing others in potentially
Speaker:stressful situations.
Speaker:Again,
Speaker:it seems as easy as just speaking a few
Speaker:phrases directly and without
Speaker:subterfuge,
Speaker:but we instinctually know that people
Speaker:are anything but predictable or
Speaker:logical,
Speaker:so it’s never that simple.
Speaker:How do you suppose Michael,
Speaker:Keisha,
Speaker:or Gita would react to an assertive
Speaker:pushback?
Speaker:We can never imagine it going well,
Speaker:though there are many ways to smoothly
Speaker:and strategically speak your mind.
Speaker:Whatever the case,
Speaker:it’s this assumption that keeps us
Speaker:quiet until we reach our breaking
Speaker:points.
Speaker:One way to make assertiveness easier is
Speaker:to have remind ourselves of what
Speaker:we’re missing out on in our
Speaker:lives—what’s at stake.
Speaker:It is anything but trivial,
Speaker:and it compounds on a daily basis if
Speaker:you don’t speak up.
Speaker:Asserting Your Needs.
Speaker:We all have needs,
Speaker:psychological or physical,
Speaker:and the inability to be assertive means
Speaker:your needs will often go unfulfilled.
Speaker:On a short-term basis,
Speaker:this is acceptable and sometimes even
Speaker:necessary.
Speaker:Sometimes we choose to downgrade our
Speaker:needs in favor of someone else’s more
Speaker:pressing matters.
Speaker:But the vast majority of the time,
Speaker:are we really making that choice,
Speaker:or do we simply feel handcuffed by our
Speaker:inability to express ourselves as we
Speaker:want?
Speaker:Needs are a big part of who you are -
Speaker:they are the indulgent daydreams of
Speaker:your deepest desires,
Speaker:what you wish for when you toss a coin
Speaker:into a fountain or see a shooting star,
Speaker:or the goals you enter into a journal
Speaker:on New Year’s Day.
Speaker:They are everybody’s driving force,
Speaker:and unmet needs create feelings of
Speaker:anxiety,
Speaker:hopelessness,
Speaker:and unhappiness.
Speaker:It’s important to understand the
Speaker:needs that you have to meet,
Speaker:as they are what you’ve been missing
Speaker:out on by not being assertive.
Speaker:This is what you’re giving up in
Speaker:life—the costs—by always letting
Speaker:things slide and not speaking up for
Speaker:yourself.
Speaker:Would you discover that you are living
Speaker:your life in a state of constant
Speaker:deprivation and lacking?
Speaker:Noted personal development speaker and
Speaker:author Tony Robbins defined the
Speaker:following universal six core human
Speaker:needs.
Speaker:Some may apply more than others to you
Speaker:because some are opposite ends of the
Speaker:spectrum.
Speaker:It’s not a scientifically founded
Speaker:explanation,
Speaker:but it should provide a clear
Speaker:illustration of the everyday basic
Speaker:necessities that are missing from your
Speaker:life—because of you and no one else.
Speaker:(1)
Speaker:Certainty is the need for consistency,
Speaker:stability,
Speaker:security,
Speaker:safety,
Speaker:order,
Speaker:comfort,
Speaker:and control.
Speaker:It is a basic need that focuses on
Speaker:survival and the ability to build a
Speaker:structure and a routine in safe
Speaker:conditions.
Speaker:Without assertiveness - If your
Speaker:housemate failed to spend the money you
Speaker:gave him to pay your mutual rent and
Speaker:bills and you didn’t confront him,
Speaker:leading to angry letters from the
Speaker:landlord and your water and electricity
Speaker:being cut off,
Speaker:this need would not be met.
Speaker:However,
Speaker:human beings are complex creatures;
Speaker:too much certainty leads to boredom.
Speaker:This is where a need for (2)
Speaker:variety comes in - this is the need for
Speaker:diversity,
Speaker:challenge,
Speaker:change,
Speaker:surprise,
Speaker:uncertainty,
Speaker:and adventure.
Speaker:Without assertiveness - Your housemate
Speaker:always pays his way but views any sense
Speaker:of decoration or organization as a
Speaker:waste of time.
Speaker:Your decor gets you down but you
Speaker:can’t find it in you to convince him
Speaker:a makeover is the right move.
Speaker:You almost wish he’d stop paying the
Speaker:rent;
Speaker:then at least you could find somewhere
Speaker:new.
Speaker:(3)
Speaker:Significance is the need to feel
Speaker:needed,
Speaker:honored,
Speaker:wanted,
Speaker:special,
Speaker:and validated.
Speaker:From birth,
Speaker:we need to feel unique and worthy of
Speaker:attention,
Speaker:and one way we can achieve the feeling
Speaker:of significance is through teaching.
Speaker:Without assertiveness - A teaching
Speaker:position you’d love to have is being
Speaker:advertised at work.
Speaker:It’s assumed a colleague will get the
Speaker:role,
Speaker:but they’re not really interested and
Speaker:you know you’d be great.
Speaker:You can’t quite bring yourself to
Speaker:make your case to the hiring manager,
Speaker:though,
Speaker:and they eventually give the job to a
Speaker:less qualified candidate.
Speaker:(4)
Speaker:Love and connection is the need for
Speaker:communication,
Speaker:connection,
Speaker:intimacy,
Speaker:and shared love with others.
Speaker:Without assertiveness - Despite months
Speaker:of hints,
Speaker:you couldn’t bring yourself to take
Speaker:the plunge and ask someone who cared
Speaker:for you deeply on a date.
Speaker:The moment was there,
Speaker:but you faltered and they left,
Speaker:sadness ingrained on their face.
Speaker:A few months later,
Speaker:you found out from a friend that they
Speaker:had a new partner now.
Speaker:Significance only goes so far,
Speaker:as humans crave a much deeper
Speaker:connection.
Speaker:(5)
Speaker:Growth is the need for intellectual,
Speaker:spiritual,
Speaker:physical,
Speaker:and emotional development.
Speaker:This need takes you from matters of the
Speaker:personality to matters of the spirit.
Speaker:Without the previous needs taken care
Speaker:of,
Speaker:you can’t begin to grow.
Speaker:Without assertiveness - Your company is
Speaker:offering training in public speaking,
Speaker:but when signing people up,
Speaker:they laugh and walk past you,
Speaker:joking that the timid mouse wouldn’t
Speaker:dare.
Speaker:You stare silently at their backs as
Speaker:they walk off and resign yourself to
Speaker:the fact that people like you don’t
Speaker:deserve to conquer their fears.
Speaker:Finally,
Speaker:(6)
Speaker:contribution is the need to do good,
Speaker:serve others,
Speaker:give,
Speaker:protect beyond ourselves,
Speaker:and impacts others.
Speaker:Without assertiveness - You’ve always
Speaker:dreamed of rescuing animals,
Speaker:but you’re scared of convincing the
Speaker:shelter staff;
Speaker:you suppose the animals would be better
Speaker:off elsewhere and block out thoughts of
Speaker:the lives you could improve.
Speaker:Your attempts at veganism stop when
Speaker:your friends laugh that you wouldn’t
Speaker:last a week.
Speaker:You eat the meat they cooked and tell
Speaker:them you were only joking.
Speaker:Being assertive in the examples above
Speaker:could have garnered you a newly
Speaker:decorated apartment,
Speaker:dream teaching job,
Speaker:a partner,
Speaker:and a pet.
Speaker:This is what you’re missing out on;
Speaker:the stakes are high,
Speaker:even if they don’t appear to be on a
Speaker:daily basis.
Speaker:They add up.
Speaker:You shouldn’t be resigned to
Speaker:neglecting them.
Speaker:Even if throughout your life your needs
Speaker:haven’t been met,
Speaker:and you perhaps don’t remember what
Speaker:they feel like,
Speaker:you still have them.
Speaker:It will be impossible to behave
Speaker:assertively if you tell yourself you
Speaker:don’t have needs and resent others
Speaker:who agree with you.
Speaker:Do you feel that your happiness is
Speaker:subject to what the people around you
Speaker:will accept or tolerate?
Speaker:The great cost of your lack of
Speaker:assertiveness is a life that doesn’t
Speaker:resemble anything you’ve ever wanted.
Speaker:After you evaluate yourself based on
Speaker:those six needs,
Speaker:or even just asking if you’re getting
Speaker:what you want from the people around
Speaker:you,
Speaker:it’s likely enough to make you want
Speaker:to unload,
Speaker:guns blazing,
Speaker:on the next person who dares to cross
Speaker:your path.
Speaker:You’re ready to believe that you
Speaker:deserve to be fulfilled.
Speaker:You may begin to feel you are owed
Speaker:something and blame others for the fact
Speaker:you’re insecure or aren’t achieving
Speaker:what you want.
Speaker:While you shouldn’t selfishly deny
Speaker:the needs of other people,
Speaker:or simply switch roles from masochist
Speaker:to sadist,
Speaker:it quickly becomes clear that to get
Speaker:more of what you want,
Speaker:and less of what you don’t want,
Speaker:you must come to terms with being less
Speaker:nice.
Speaker:Indeed,
Speaker:science has bore out the fact that this
Speaker:can pay off handsomely.
Speaker:In a study published in the journal
Speaker:Social Forces,
Speaker:sociologist Robert Faris followed
Speaker:students in grades six to eight from
Speaker:three North Carolina counties for three
Speaker:years.
Speaker:Faris used factors like being voted
Speaker:“most likely to succeed” in
Speaker:yearbooks to determine the “elite”
Speaker:students and then looked at who they
Speaker:had named as their friends.
Speaker:The “hangers-on” had named a member
Speaker:of the elite as their friend but
Speaker:hadn’t been named back.
Speaker:Students also shared who they’d
Speaker:treated badly and who had been cruel to
Speaker:them.
Speaker:The elite represented only 5% of all
Speaker:the schools,
Speaker:with their friends and hangers-on
Speaker:totaling 14%.
Speaker:Faris found that the last 81% of
Speaker:students were still able enter the top
Speaker:tier through “reputational
Speaker:aggression,” which included
Speaker:gossiping,
Speaker:shunning,
Speaker:spreading rumors,
Speaker:and teasing.
Speaker:This behavior doubled the chances of
Speaker:becoming friends with one of the elite,
Speaker:particularly if the aggressive behavior
Speaker:was targeted at a high-status student
Speaker:or their close friends.
Speaker:The victims of reputational aggression
Speaker:slunk down to the depths of the second
Speaker:or third tier of the hierarchy.
Speaker:The conclusion was clear as the
Speaker:oft-used phrase,
Speaker:Nice guys and gals finish last.
Speaker:Aggression was how people got what they
Speaker:wanted,
Speaker:more often than not—but it will
Speaker:probably lead to negative long-term
Speaker:ramifications.
Speaker:Assertiveness fits right into the slow
Speaker:between nice and aggressive.
Speaker:It’s at this point that you may
Speaker:realize that your definition of
Speaker:“nice” is tantamount to extreme
Speaker:people-pleasing and not voicing any of
Speaker:your own thoughts or desires.
Speaker:Assertiveness is something you may
Speaker:recognize as decidedly “not nice."
Speaker:And that’s okay.
Speaker:It will feel oddly confrontational and
Speaker:tense—and that’s okay.
Speaker:Your relationships with people may
Speaker:change,
Speaker:as a result of them being used to
Speaker:walking all over you—and that’s
Speaker:okay.
Speaker:You may feel that should stop,
Speaker:and rather pick your battles instead of
Speaker:making a fuss at every small
Speaker:thing—and that’s okay.
Speaker:Just remember what’s at stake with
Speaker:your needs,
Speaker:desires,
Speaker:and way you pictured your life playing
Speaker:out.
Speaker:It’s time to stop compromising on
Speaker:them and respect yourself the way you
Speaker:do others.
Speaker:You don’t have to be Keisha,
Speaker:Michael,
Speaker:or Gita;
Speaker:those are not the only choices of how
Speaker:to handle a hazy interpersonal
Speaker:situation.
Speaker:Assertiveness is asking for what you
Speaker:want,
Speaker:turning others down,
Speaker:and making decisions that are right for
Speaker:you without anger,
Speaker:threats,
Speaker:manipulation,
Speaker:or fear of repercussions.
Speaker:Everybody deserves to have their needs
Speaker:met while maintaining their sense of
Speaker:self-worth,
Speaker:and no matter what others may do,
Speaker:you always have the power to control
Speaker:how you react.
Speaker:You’ll never be able to stop other
Speaker:people asking something of you,
Speaker:but you always have the power to say no.
Speaker:Being assertive is understanding that
Speaker:you can’t control what others may do,
Speaker:but you can control your own behavior.
Speaker:Your Personal Bill Of Rights.
Speaker:Let’s end this introductory chapter
Speaker:with what should be your rallying cry.
Speaker:This is a powerful reminder of what you
Speaker:shouldn’t ever apologize for,
Speaker:and what you are due as a human being.
Speaker:This sets the empowering tone for the
Speaker:rest of the book.
Speaker:It’s your responsibility to assert
Speaker:your personal bill of rights,
Speaker:as no one is going to do it for you.
Speaker:You can’t depend on people to
Speaker:consider how they might be infringing
Speaker:on them,
Speaker:as they’ll be focusing on how they
Speaker:can achieve their own satisfaction.
Speaker:Being able to say,
Speaker:“I know my rights,
Speaker:and you can’t stomp on them,”
Speaker:allows you to assert yourself in order
Speaker:to fulfill them.
Speaker:The accumulation of contorted messages
Speaker:saying you must be selfless to be a
Speaker:good person leads to feeling guilty or
Speaker:selfish for asserting these rights.
Speaker:Losing sight of your personal bill of
Speaker:rights happens because of the
Speaker:conditioning that forces you to believe
Speaker:you should put others before yourself
Speaker:unconditionally.
Speaker:As you read the rights described below,
Speaker:notice whether any of them surprise you.
Speaker:You’ll realize that actions or
Speaker:phrases you have been afraid of using
Speaker:for fear of seeming flakey,
Speaker:selfish,
Speaker:rude,
Speaker:or stupid are actually your rights.
Speaker:They are the key to being assertive
Speaker:because they give you permission to act
Speaker:as your authentic self,
Speaker:guilt-free.
Speaker:And again,
Speaker:they might feel “not nice”—but
Speaker:that’s because your definition of
Speaker:“nice” needs to change!
Speaker:It’s your right… to not justify
Speaker:your behavior with excuses.
Speaker:You don’t have to give reasons or
Speaker:agree to things you don’t want to do
Speaker:because you’re worried that your
Speaker:reason doesn’t seem good enough.
Speaker:If you don’t want to attend an event
Speaker:because you want to spend quality time
Speaker:with your dog,
Speaker:that’s valid and no one can judge.
Speaker:You don’t owe someone something just
Speaker:because your justification doesn’t
Speaker:align with their values.
Speaker:It’s your right… to change your
Speaker:mind.
Speaker:What was possible when you agreed to
Speaker:something might not be possible anymore.
Speaker:This is normal in a world where the
Speaker:only constant is change.
Speaker:It’s a shame to inconvenience
Speaker:someone,
Speaker:but you have to look after yourself.
Speaker:It’s your right… to say,
Speaker:“I don’t know."
Speaker:Capable people often have the burden of
Speaker:being the problem-solver thrust upon
Speaker:them by people who have the ability to
Speaker:find the solution but don’t want to
Speaker:put the time in.
Speaker:You don’t have to go out of your way
Speaker:to find answers to things that aren’t
Speaker:useful to you.
Speaker:Just because you have an ability or
Speaker:skill doesn’t mean other people are
Speaker:privileged to it.
Speaker:This also applies in situations where
Speaker:people want to rush decisions out of
Speaker:you.
Speaker:It’s your right… to be illogical in
Speaker:your decision-making.
Speaker:If you’ve saved for years for a house
Speaker:and one day decide to blow it all on a
Speaker:trip round the world,
Speaker:that’s up to you.
Speaker:Others’ expectations of you based on
Speaker:patterns of your previous behavior
Speaker:aren’t something you have to conform
Speaker:to forever.
Speaker:It simply doesn’t matter if no one
Speaker:can understand why you’re doing
Speaker:something.
Speaker:It’s your right… to decide which of
Speaker:other people’s problems you have a
Speaker:responsibility to solve.
Speaker:No matter how persuasive the cries of
Speaker:“You have to help me!” may be,
Speaker:only you can make that choice.
Speaker:If you have the time and resources to
Speaker:help someone,
Speaker:then this can be a positive experience
Speaker:for you both,
Speaker:but you need defenses in place to
Speaker:prevent you from feeling pressured,
Speaker:blackmailed,
Speaker:or helpless.
Speaker:If you were to solve everyone else’s
Speaker:problems,
Speaker:who would take care of yours?
Speaker:Certainly not the people you are
Speaker:helping.
Speaker:It’s your right… to say,
Speaker:“I don’t care."
Speaker:There will always be people who drain
Speaker:you and demand your attention for every
Speaker:little drama in their life.
Speaker:There are only so many good causes you
Speaker:can champion.
Speaker:You have to draw the line somewhere -
Speaker:for everything you don’t care about,
Speaker:there will be someone else who does
Speaker:care and can do what you’re not
Speaker:willing to.
Speaker:You’ve now seen just how many things
Speaker:you deserve that you’ve been missing
Speaker:out on because you haven’t realized
Speaker:that the only person who can provide
Speaker:them all is yourself.
Speaker:You deserve to prioritize yourself and
Speaker:be the hero in your own movie,
Speaker:not the martyr who gives their life to
Speaker:save everyone else.
Speaker:Prioritizing time for you to meet your
Speaker:own needs and giving up the pursuit of
Speaker:altruism will improve your well-being.
Speaker:You can’t please everyone all the
Speaker:time,
Speaker:so start with yourself,
Speaker:which is the first step to
Speaker:assertiveness.
Speaker:Takeaways -
Speaker:1.
Speaker:Assertiveness requires a delicate
Speaker:balance,
Speaker:especially if you are new to it.
Speaker:You may have started as too passive,
Speaker:but take care to not swing into the
Speaker:aggressive territory where you are
Speaker:robbing other people of their needs.
Speaker:You can’t control what others do or
Speaker:how they might respond to you,
Speaker:but you can control your own behavior.
Speaker:2.
Speaker:Tony Robbins succinctly articulated the
Speaker:six needs of human happiness you are
Speaker:likely keeping yourself from as a
Speaker:result of lacking assertiveness.
Speaker:They are certainty,
Speaker:variety,
Speaker:significance,
Speaker:love and connection,
Speaker:growth,
Speaker:and contribution.
Speaker:This is what’s at stake every time
Speaker:you come to a fork in the road and
Speaker:consider shrinking away from the moment.
Speaker:It’s not trivial,
Speaker:and can lead to a life you want,
Speaker:or a life you don’t.
Speaker:3.
Speaker:The power to live as you want is within
Speaker:your hands,
Speaker:not to be dictated by the acceptance or
Speaker:tolerance of the people around you.
Speaker:Yes,
Speaker:sometimes that might require that you
Speaker:step on the toes of other people,
Speaker:but you are not living for other people.
Speaker:Being less nice (and even aggressive,
Speaker:as studies have shown)
Speaker:is paramount to happiness and getting
Speaker:what you want.
Speaker:4.
Speaker:Write the personal bill of rights down
Speaker:and post it on a wall in your room.
Speaker:These are rights,
Speaker:not privileges or luxuries.
Speaker:It’s easy to forget until someone
Speaker:snaps you out of it.
Speaker:Right from the outset,
Speaker:you might feel that you’re becoming
Speaker:someone that’s mean and “not nice."
Speaker:But that’s because your definition of
Speaker:“nice” has become skewed over the
Speaker:years.
Speaker:This has been
Speaker:The Art of Everyday Assertiveness:
Speaker:Speak Up. Set Boundaries. Say No. Take Back Control. Get What You Want. Written by
Speaker:Patrick King
Speaker:Narrated by Russell Newton.
