Painting With Words

Speaker: 00:00:05

,: 2023

Speaker: 00:00:48

Today on Social Skills Coaching, we're going to be talking about painting with words. This episode is from the book, How to Speak Effectively, Influence, Engage, and Charm, by Patrick King. You can learn more and information about this book on King's website, bit.ly.pkconsulting. Thanks for joining us today. Whether you’re speaking to one person or an entire audience, if you want your listeners to really absorb what you say to them, paint them a picture ... that is, help them paint their own mental picture of what you’re saying. Verbal expression is a fundamentally human characteristic, but long before we evolved even this, we processed our world in pictures via five senses deeply embedded in the real, physical world. That means that if we can talk in such a way as to address and engage this pre-verbal world of imagery and sensation, we allow ourselves to connect with other people on a deeper level.

Speaker: 00:01:59

This is what vivid language does, and visual imagery and rhythm (sight and sound) are two powerful components. Those who are naturally talented speakers find themselves drawing on these extra-verbal skills without consciously realizing it. But once you’re aware of how to do so deliberately, you might find that a whole world of expression opens up to you, and you instantly become a more compelling, relatable, and vibrant speaker. How to Paint the Picture All words are representations of ideas, but, as they say, a picture paints a thousand words. Images are richer and work more quickly and more effectively on listeners. Using imagery can actually bypass language in a way, and transmit information that feels closer to lived experience, and not just something that someone is telling you about. To get a hang of using imagery in conversation, you need to master the use of three tools: 1. Concreteness 2. Simile 3. Metaphor Concreteness is about being embedded in the world, about being real.

Speaker: 00:03:19

You can define a technical term a million different ways, but the moment you give someone an example of what you’re talking about, they will instantly understand it on a deeper, more tangible level. Many highly skilled orators (like politicians or motivational speakers) will make abstract theories and concepts instantly relatable by boiling them down into real terms—instead of talking about the economy, they talk about people sitting around a kitchen table doing the family budget. They talk about specific people, specific places, and real events. In the same way that emotional responses are processed more quickly in the brain than rational ones, things we can touch, see, smell, etc. are processed more easily and more quickly than symbols and abstractions. Simile is one way that we can tether an abstraction to something else—usually something less abstract. It’s a comparison that usually uses like or as. For example: “It was like a kick in the teeth."

Speaker: 00:04:25

“As easy as pie." “They descended on the buffet like a plague of locusts." Metaphor is another way to tether abstract to concrete and make illuminating comparisons. An oft-repeated metaphor that many of us will remember from school is the classic “the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell." Metaphors directly state that something is something else in order to compare two different but related ideas or objects. The mitochondria metaphor works because none of us have actually seen mitochondria, and the way in which they generate energy is rather complex and vague. However, if a teacher tells you it’s like a powerhouse, you very quickly and clearly understand the message: This is a part of the cell that generates energy.

Speaker: 00:05:16

The concrete has been tethered to the abstract, of which you now have a better grasp. For proof of how impactful metaphors can be, ask yourself how much of the mitochondria’s technical functioning you can remember from school—not much right? But if you’re told once that it is a powerhouse, you’re likely to remember that little detail for the rest of your life. Concrete similes and metaphors add power and depth to what you’re saying. Depending on how extreme the comparison is (i.e., how unalike the two things are in real life), you can inject enormous color into what you’re saying, giving ideas a positive or negative spin (think about the effect of calling cigarettes “coffin nails”), evoking a particular emotion, or even adding a dose of humor. Consider the funny story tells of how Keats and Shakespeare were arguing in heaven over who was the best wordsmith. They agreed to spontaneously compose some poetry/prose to describe the next person who walked over the hill.

Speaker: 00:06:25

When a man with severe rickets emerged, Keats looked at the very bent legs and hesitated before saying, "See over the hill there strode A man whose legs are very bowed." This was well and good, but then it was Shakespeare’s turn, who said, "Alas what manner of man is this, who carries his balls in parenthesis?" And Keats had to admit that Shakespeare was, after all, the superior wordsmith! Other ways to add color and depth to your language: •Use imaginative adjectives. Forget about “nice” or “beautiful” and try to use more specific, unique words—they will stick in the listener’s memory, and even if they don’t understand the word, you may still come across as intelligent and erudite. •Use the power of detail. This is not unlike zooming in and zooming out again with chunking. You could speak for forty minutes about how you struggled for money in your youth and how it made you the resilient, light-hearted person you are today.

Speaker: 00:07:34

Or you could just say, “Growing up we were so poor, we went to KFC to lick other people’s fingers." •Be a little unexpected. When people hear cliches, they stop thinking. Instead be fresh in the way you describe things and don’t be afraid to say something that will make people sit up and say, “Wait, what?" Rhythm and How to Go with the Flow Most people think of music as soon as they hear the word "rhythm." There’s good reason for this—language is musical by nature, and so much of the meaning it conveys comes down to its rate, its articulation, its flow, and the way it moves through time. Rhythm is the way that sounds or words repeatedly change in a regular fashion. When someone strikes a drum in a periodic way, we “tune into” this beat, allowing ourselves to sync up with it, predicting the next beat and thus feeling as though we are somehow aligned.

Speaker: 00:08:40

It’s the same when people speak: If someone is delivering their message with a repeated, consistent rhythm, it provides a kind of aural scaffolding onto which we can sync, our comprehension is deeper, and we are more engrossed. For example, if they speak quickly and with rapid-fire sentences, we might feel alert, even a little anxious and hurried. If they repeat certain phrases over and over, and every point they make is delivered using the same sentence structure, we start to be almost lulled into that rhythm ourselves, coming through sheer repetition into line with the message being shared. Take a look at a few ways you can consciously control the rhythm of your speech to achieve certain effects. Parallelism That is to say, grammatically parallel, i.e., the structure of the sentences are repeated or equivalent in some way. This is typically done when you are listing out things—even just two things. Using parallelism can make your message feel more coherent and convincing, and you may seem a lot more conscious and in control as a result.

Speaker: 00:09:54

Consider both these sentences: Give me liberty or give me death. Give me liberty or death. The difference may seem small, but there is one, isn’t there? Though they say precisely the same thing, the first one seems more solid somehow. Consider also: Better to rule in hell than to serve in heaven. Better to be a ruler in hell than to serve in heaven. Again, the meaning is essentially the same, but in the first sentence, both clauses take the same form—rule in heaven is compared to serve in hell.

Speaker: 00:10:38

The structure is mirrored, and so the expression feels more fluid. The second mixes two forms and the effect is lost. If, however, it were changed to “better to be a ruler in hell than to be a slave in heaven” it would be parallel and sound better. Finally, consider the form of individual words themselves: I love skiing, painting, and my dog. I love skiing, painting, and walking my dog. Can you see how in the first sentence, the expression feels disjoined because one thing in the list (dog) is not like the other two? Even if only unconsciously, a listener may perceive this lack of coherence and organization and ascribe it to your overall message.

Speaker: 00:11:31

Use parallelism when you can—even if it’s only in small ways—and your speech will feel more whole, more connected, and stronger. Repetition Closely related to this is repetition, which you might end up doing when using parallelism (for example, consider the repetition of “give me” in the example above). There is a definite tendency for the human mind to assume that the things it is exposed to repeatedly must somehow be truer (psychologists call this the illusory truth effect). That’s why if you want to convince or persuade your audience, or even just drill a point home so they can really grasp it, then you’ll need to repeat your message more than once. Repetition is a little like putting text in bold underline—it tells people what is important, and it helps you structure your ideas by summarizing and synthesizing main ideas. In many ways, it’s also a way to incorporate parallelism, resulting in a message that not only “sounds right” but is more easily understood. Think about Winston Churchill’s famous “we shall fight them on the beaches” speech: We shall go on to the end.

Speaker: 00:12:47

We shall fight in France, we shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be.We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender. This section came at the very end of a long and impassioned speech filled with so much other rousing imagery, that by the time the crowds heard this section, the almost literal drumbeat repetition of we shall fight, we shall fight, we shall fight left them in awed silence. Conservative member of parliament Chips Channon later said that “he was eloquent and oratorical and used magnificent English; several Labour members cried." Churchill’s speech is regarded as a masterpiece of oration, precisely because it was able to stir the emotions so far beyond the purview of ordinary language that it was more like poetry or music. Alliteration and Assonance Alliteration is really a form of repetition, but what is repeated is single sounds and letters, in this case consonants. Alliteration works best when the repeated sounds actually connect in some meaningful way with the message itself. For example, “the girl read a book by a babbling brook” repeats the “b” sound and, consequently, emphasizes the bubbling sound of the water, painting a subtle picture. In Shakespeare’s “fair is foul and foul is fair: hover through the fog and filthy air,” the repetition of the “f” sound almost seems to become the filthy fog itself.

Speaker: 00:14:43

In your own speech, you don’t need to get too carried away or it will feel forced. Just be aware always that the literal sound of the words you choose is also part of the message. If you really want to emphasize your negative opinion of a character, you might say so much more by calling him “slimy and sleezy” than if you had just called him “a shady guy." Assonance, on the other hand, repeats vowel sounds and letters within words, rather than at the beginning. Some examples are “free as a breeze” (can you almost hear someone saying wheee?) and “no pain, no gain." When using either alliteration or assonance, remember that a little goes a long way. Don’t overdo it or the effect may feel a little trite!

Speaker: 00:15:33

How to Be a Masterful Storyteller Have you ever tried to tell a joke and sadly watched as it fell flat? Or maybe someone else was trying to tell you such a joke, and somehow bungled the delivery. Think carefully about exactly why the joke failed. One obvious reason is that the punchline was mangled or the logic and flow of the story was disrupted somehow. But a far more likely reason was that the joke failed to evoke the right emotions. A joke is just a very short story that is meant to evoke a small set of reactions (humor, shock), but it tells us a lot about the way human beings react not just to “information” but to narrative. They do this not solely by having a cognitive grasp on what they’re told, but on making an emotional connection to it.

Speaker: 00:16:25

Those who understand this process end up being the proverbial good storytellers, and it’s a very rarified art, indeed. Even if you aren’t literally telling a joke or delivering a classic story to an audience, you will at some point need to incorporate storytelling in your communication. Perhaps you have to give a work presentation, convince someone of your viewpoint, flirt and get someone to like you, summon up some compassion for yourself when you’ve done something wrong, inspire someone to act, make a complicated argument for something, or simply tell people about what you did on the weekend without boring them to tears! As you can imagine, good storytelling is not just about words, but also how we use our voice, body language, gestures, facial expressions, and even visual aids. Let’s look at how. Tip 1: Use stories to support what you’re saying Consider a story a tool. Give your audience an example of what you’re talking about, or show them a story that quickly captures or demonstrates the point you’re making.

Speaker: 00:17:36

You don’t need to explain why you have told the story, however: People will intuitively grasp it and make their own conclusions (and become more engaged in the process). For example, if you wanted to create a feeling of rapport and make yourself seem relatable and real, you might share a touching story from your childhood that would resonate with anyone. If you wanted to quickly explain the rather complex view you have on commitment to one’s dreams, you could quickly tell a little story about the difference between a chicken and a pig when it comes to bacon and eggs (punchline: “the chicken is involved, but the pig is really committed!”). Another way to use stories is to have them introduce a certain point. Perhaps you want to answer a question about what you do for work by explaining how one day, you started to wonder if there was a better way to chop an avocado ... The best stories are those that quickly make their point and directly speak to our emotional experiences or our five senses. Use metaphor, simile, and vivid language to make complex topics seem more accessible.

Speaker: 00:18:49

Finally, ensure your audience can draw links between the story and the current situation, by saying something like, “And that goes to show ... ” or “after that day everything changed,” and so on. Tip 2: Set the scene, present the tale All of us instinctively know what a good story is—we knew it even when we were children! To tell a compelling story, you’ll need to do the same. Give some background context by telling your audience when and where the story took place. Bear in mind this is just to briefly sketch the stage the story unfolds on, so to speak—don’t get distracted on these details or worry too much about accuracy. If the weather, for example, doesn’t really feature in the story, don’t bother mentioning it at length. Another tip is to deliver your story with a slight increase in volume than you ordinarily would be used to.

Speaker: 00:19:48

People will register this and pay closer attention—we can’t help it! Once you have their attention, however, keep it by being careful with your pace. Don’t go too fast (i.e., because you’re nervous and worried about holding their interest) or too slow (people will resent it and stop paying attention). Instead, imagine that you’re delivering interesting nuggets of information at a uniform pace. You can pause and slow down a little on purpose to heighten anticipation, but only do so if you will then release that tension by revealing a big payoff at the end. Keep your speech varied and dynamic. Modulate your voice between high and low pitch, high and low volume, and varying sentence lengths and structures.

Speaker: 00:20:35

You can even use rhetorical questions to draw people in and encourage them along the main beats of the story. This is the meaning of being articulate—being able to speak with ease and flexibility the same way a gymnast moves with ease and flexibility through their routine. Depending on the situation, you might find it useful to almost play the parts of different roles in the story—subtly change your voice, accent, facial expression, or way of speaking when delivering the lines of a speaker in the story. Tip 3: Keep it short Brevity is the sole of wit. A short, pithy story has the greatest chance of impacting your listener and staying with them long afterward. A short story is easier to digest and simpler to understand. This is not to say that you can’t have success telling longer stories (after all, people love things like TED talks) but that you will need to work harder to maintain people’s attention.

Speaker: 00:21:41

Consistently imagine yourself in the other person’s shoes. They will always be listening for a reason; they’ll be primed and on the lookout to spot the lesson, the punchline, or the big idea. If you make them wait for it, or bury it somewhere underneath loads of irrelevant detail, they may give up listening and decide the payoff is not worth it. Tip 4: Make it mean something Human beings love stories, but not because they are merely entertaining. It’s the way people have transmitted meaning and value for all of human history. Stories are told to make points, to convince, to pass down wisdom, to warn, to teach, to make the complicated easier to understand ... and yes, occasionally to entertain. It’s a good idea to try to embed your story in some larger framework of meaning.

Speaker: 00:22:35

What did you learn from the anecdote you just shared? What did this event teach you? How did life change because of this story? What does it all mean? In a persuasive presentation, you can indulge a lot in suggesting an interpretation for your listeners; in more casual contexts it’s usually better to hint at the “moral of the story” rather than lecture too much. In traditional cultures, storytellers are lauded not when they have good yarns to tell, but when they are best able to “prescribe” the right story for the right listener, as though it were medicine. Know your audience and the kind of narrative they are likely to respond to, and you will speak to them on deeper level.

Speaker: 00:23:24

n there’s George Orwell’s: 1984

Speaker: 00:24:23

Of course, these are novels with authors who have had time to think about these first lines. When telling a story on the spur of the moment, you can still be impactful, however, simply by remembering that you need to start with something that will immediately catch attention. One clever way of doing this is to actively downplay something that is quite absurd: “Oh? I didn’t tell you about the time a crocodile ate my lunchbox? Well, the first thing you need to understand was that I never liked that lunchbox anyway ... ” To do this effectively, you need to understand the story in full for yourself before you open your mouth. There’s nothing worse than someone who starts telling you a story and halfway through it’s clear that they don’t know where they’re going with it (or worse, when to stop!). Every story needs to be a concise, self-contained entity that has a beginning, middle and end.

Speaker: 00:25:23

Even if it’s not a joke, it needs a “punchline." Knowing the main point will help you identify key “beats” or story points along the way and stay on track. But remember: these beats are not a list of dry, objective facts. They are a carefully curated string of emotional experiences. You describe the day (it was hot, your legs were sticking to the car seat) and how excited you were (you show this excitement in your facial expression, voice, and posture). The girl of your dreams waltzed up to you and smiled, and it was like an angel had spoken (simile) ... These are all emotional nuggets rather than data points! Some final hints and tricks: A story can be interesting and true, but if it’s not relevant to the listener or to you or your message, don’t tell it.

Speaker: 00:26:21

In ordinary conversation, unless encouraged to do so, never tell a story that is longer than about a minute (this, by the way, is quite a long time). If a particular detail is not intrinsic to the logic of the story, leave it out entirely. (“It was Thursday and that was when he usually had his spin class, but that day the class was canceled because the instructor had broken her toe last weekend at the carnival. You know, the one they’re hosting to raise funds for that church thing we saw in the paper. Anyway, that’s why he was free on that Thursday even though he ordinarily wouldn’t have been, so he bumped into my friend ... ” It’s easier to just say “One day, he bumped into her.”) When rehearsing for a presentation, record or film yourself first and do practice runs—many people are surprised to see that they need to stand up taller, speak more slowly, and breathe more deeply! Finally, gauge reactions as you go and adjust your story in real time. If you realize that the other person is not familiar with the TV show/book/idea you’re talking about, then stop talking about it!

Speaker: 00:29:38

day, Claude Monet was born in: 1840