Improvisation Implementation

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th,: 2024

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What do people who can make something out of nothing have in common? It doesn't happen consistently without planning and preparation. This isn't planning and preparation in the conventional sense, where you might jot down ideas of topics to bring up or dig through the news for the current events of the day. Those are important to some degree, but they can be equally as detrimental. If you have a flowchart for conversations, any slight deviation can spell your doom. The type of preparation you'd need is to understand the basic anatomy of great conversations. That's going to be the focus of this first chapter of Improve Your Conversations. What are the elements you should focus on and seek out in your conversations and what should you try to avoid? Moreover, which are the bad habits are you guilty of, and are you compelling others to want to converse with you, or are you actually repelling them?

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A great conversation greatly resembles an improv comedy performance, and ideally should involve all the rules that I'm going to cover in this book. Conversation Equals Improv Let's spell out the similarities. Both a conversation and an improv comedy performance involve parties who can't read each other's minds. They're both unpredictable situations because you just never know what's going to come out of someone's mouth. Both situations have the same goal of creating a pleasurable interaction, the conversation for the participants, and the improv comedy performance for the audience. Both situations require collaboration and listening to create a dialogue, otherwise it's just two people reciting monologues to each other or speaking over each other. Finally, both situations are fragile. As you well know from your own experience, the wrong word, phrase, or question can instantly send a conversation into the toilet, and it's the same for an improv comedy performance. One misqueue or misread from the other performer, and a silence will consume the stage, leading the audience to realize that this was indeed an unplanned stumble.

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If you've ever attended an improv comedy show, you know that the performers often refer to themselves as players, just like teammates on a sports team. This is not insignificant. It instantly frames what you see on stage as a collaborative effort where everyone is supporting everyone else for the common good. If any of the players sense that someone needs support, they will instantly give it. They understand that the performance isn't about any one person in particular. It's about how the entire team does. The weakest link of the chain will never be allowed to falter as everyone will pitch in the moment they sense trouble. The players are extremely flexible and adaptable because they have no preset agenda or real purpose other than to work together with the other players successfully. What's been unspoken thus far is the absence of an ego, as an ego can completely sabotage and destroy what the group is carefully creating.

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The improv players work together, like cyclists, with the first cyclist taking his turn at the front of the line to absorb all the wind resistance, then falling back and letting someone else pick up the slack. Of course, that would never work if someone's ego were to get in the way and they decided they were bigger than the team. The whole line would be disrupted and rendered useless. If none of what I've described resembles how you've approached conversations or interactions up to this point in your life, it's time to re-evaluate your approach. Improv players spend years toiling away, perfecting their craft, but we don't have to get the Will Ferrell's level to simply improve our conversations. We can greatly increase our wit, banter, and conversational intelligence simply by imagining a collaborative and accepting process. Below, you'll read about some of the main tenets of improv comedy and how they apply to you offstage. Spontaneity and flow. It's you, it's the stage, and it's your fellow players.

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That's it. How will the moment unravel? Something will spontaneously unfold here, but what could it be? Is it going to be novel, engaging, and creative? Part of the fun is finding out and honing your skills in the process. Both players don't come into a scene with an idea of how it's going to play out. Why not? Because it's completely out of their control. They might be able to contribute to the path, but the rest will be spelled out by the other players whose minds they cannot read.

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Agendas, plans, and scripts are cast to the side, and spontaneity and flow are the most important elements. It's necessary that players are open and comfortable with venturing into unknown territory, because any expectations will likely be completely unmet. They accept and even embrace the fact that they won't know the outcome, and there will be a certain amount of uncertainty. This mindset alone is transformative in creating a sense of flexibility that gives life to great conversations. If you go to a networking event with the idea of seeking a job, that's an expectation that will creep into all of your conversations, whether you realize it or not. You're going to subconsciously nudge your interactions into specific directions that will probably disrupt the natural flow of how they would otherwise go to your detriment. If you speak to that same person and just seek to connect, chances are a very different connection will form. When you come into a conversation with an agenda, it's not much different from a telemarketer reading from a script. You may have heard the other person respond to something, but it didn't fit your agenda, so you ignored it and told your funny story again.

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You don't listen and are just waiting for your turn to speak instead of responding. When things don't flow, they stop. In other words, they're dead. There are probably some important life lessons hidden in all this when it comes to control, but there's no need to look into it too deeply. The point is that you need to flow with the conversation, letting it move and evolve and carry you along, instead of trying to grab it too tightly out of fear. When you try to choreograph a conversation too tightly, it dies there and then. People can feel it, and it doesn't feel good. Who wants to read through a script that's already been ironed out? We can probably think of a few people off the top of our heads that do this all the time.

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They really have something they want to say and aren't interested in hearing what you have to contribute. Would others include you in that category? Flexibility and the ability to adapt our paramount to any great conversation. Good conversation is alive and breathing and it needs to flow. Emotional Intelligence This is a term that's thrown around quite a bit, so let's define it for this context. Emotional Intelligence is when you understand what someone is trying to convey through their words or body language, and you understand what you yourself are conveying to others through the same. It's a little like being fluent in a particular language, one of emotion. Only a small minority of people will outright state how they feel in a conversation or discussion. If it's a negative topic, then that small minority turns into a tiny fraction of a percentage, as most people prefer to avoid confrontation whenever possible.

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People generally don't tell others about their emotional state or how they feel about topics of conversation. You'll rarely hear statements such as, I'm uncomfortable with this topic, but if you want to discuss this we can't, or, this is a topic I'm trying to avoid, so I'm going to try to deflect by talking about the weather. If we're in the dark about people's emotional states, it's up to us to pay attention to others to try to ascertain how they feel about topics, stories, and the conversation itself. We need to look beyond the mere words people speak and at the circumstances to gauge their feelings. The truth is, there's plenty of information out there in the open to read and interpret if only you're paying close enough attention to watch it emerge. We're back in the present moment again, and it's about really being there with your conversation partner, noticing all the subtle ways they're telling you things. Joe tells a story about a man with his broken leg and a cast being helplessly humped by a large dog. What are the ways you can judge whether someone thinks this story is genuinely hilarious versus crass and immature? Did their laugh die quickly?

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Did they add additional questions about the man? Did they give a polite smile and immediately change the subject? We need to be more emotionally intelligent because emotions inform a great part of social interaction. We also need to be much more aware of the messages we're sending to others. For every action, there can be a wide range of interpretations and reactions which offer a guide for how to proceed. When you actively seek to understand the emotional state of people you're interacting with, which can be as simple as whether or not they're enjoying a topic of conversation, you're given a template for where to go and how. Focusing on emotional intelligence and the emotional state of others is an approach that puts others first. It's the opposite of thinking in a self-centered manner, and paying more attention to others than yourself is clearly beneficial because there are at least two parties to a conversation. It boils down to this.

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If someone conveys that they're angry and you completely miss it, an awkward and uncomfortable situation arises. When this happens frequently enough, people will tend to avoid you. If you can accurately catch the emotions people are conveying, even though they may not be stating them explicitly, they will feel that you understand them better and be more drawn to you. Play With so much focus on how to extract what you want from other people, what's been lost is the seemingly simple revelation that conversation should actually be fun and enjoyable. What makes really good conversation sparkle the way it does? It's not planned, it's not serious, it's not forced, it's closer to flirting or spontaneous dancing to good music than it is to a meeting or a performance. There aren't that many reasons we engage in social conversations with others. A mixture of fun, pleasure, connection, and entertainment are at the top of that list. After all, it's why you're reading this book, isn't it?

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Truly amazing conversation is one of the greatest joys of life. That's the reason that improv players labor during long rehearsals. They enjoy the process and being able to turn nothing into something. They're playing with each other on stage, and the better they are at playing, the more they enjoy it. The same dynamic exists in normal conversation. If you can turn your boring, job-focused conversation into something enjoyable for both parties, then they will enjoy being around you more and, subsequently, open up to you more. If you make it your goal to, first and foremost, create a playful and fun atmosphere within your conversations, avoiding interview mode and small talk, you'll be able to achieve your other goals, like obtaining a job or promotion far more easily. It's just human nature. Let go of your standard interview questions, comments about the weather, and brain-filter.

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What's the playful manner with which you speak to your closest friends? How did children interact on the playground battlefield? We could stand to play a bit more, since play takes people's guards down and sets the stage for actual connection. Make it easy. For others, that is, improv players are focused on making the performance shine, and they know that they do that by giving others easy setups and premises to work with. They're not going to give others a scenario they know nothing about with a complete lack of details. Just like in conversation, it's never a competition. You don't need to outshine anyone. It's the conversation, the vibe that is elevated, and not your particular story or point of view.

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In addition to giving each other as many softballs as possible, improv players support each other and remain on board however dire it gets. Someone will swoop in to rescue you, and you can depend on their help. It builds a sense of security and space for vulnerability to try new things and otherwise open up. One is each other's best supporting actor or actress. Now, that's a powerful feeling to have about someone you're speaking with. True team cohesion and group effort is one of the most beautiful things about a really good improv team. There are many ways we can similarly make it easier for the person we converse with to speak their mind or express themselves. Display openness. Solicit opinions and ask questions.

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Put others in the spotlight and allow them to shine. Don't put others in a conversational place to twist in the wind. Improv comedy is one of the best things you can learn for your ability to think on your feet, excel at witty banter, and know what to say. That being said, it's also one of the scariest, it thrives on unpredictability, the precise thing that most people hate. Be stray from social interaction and conversation because it can be so unpredictable. What if it's awkward? They hate you, think you're weird or don't laugh at any of your jokes. This compels some people to have a script in their heads every time they talk to others in an attempt to make it less unpredictable and more comfortable. However, that, of course, takes you away from the present and the person in front of you.

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Once you become more familiar and comfortable with the principles of improv, you will see the heights you can reach as a result of creating unplanned flow. How to gain confidence. This might all sound great to you, but you may still feel unable to make that leap and actually start trying some of these ideas out for yourself in real life. There are a few ways that you can start to slowly build up the confidence needed to put yourself out there and try something new. Try to remember that this kind of thing can be nerve-wracking for everyone. There are no quick hacks or shortcuts, though, just doing it. Luckily, you don't have to leap in all at once. Confidence builds on itself. If you can take a small risk, you get the chance to watch it pay off and your confidence rises a little.

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You're prepared to take a slightly bigger risk next time. One way to gradually build up conversational confidence is to practice getting warmed up in low-risk contexts, for example, try going to a noisy bar or club where you have to shout above the music to be heard. A big part of building confidence is having the nerve to stand up, open your mouth, and project your voice loudly and clearly. Easy to practice in a noisy room where you have no choice. Get out of your comfort zone and be loud. Probably no one will even hear most of what you say anyway, so relax with it. Try something new. If it flops, you can always blame the music. A variation on this is to deliberately abandon verbal communication in a noisy environment.

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This simplifies things right down, so you need to fall back on gestures, body language, and facial expressions. There's something kind of playful and primal about this. Just have a go at reaching out to your friend and conveying simple emotions or ideas. You could even try practicing some of these exaggerated gestures in a mirror with yourself. The idea is to get comfortable moving your body, taking up space, and expressing yourself comfortably. If you're feeling that low confidence is a problem, just start small and go slowly. When you have to engage with someone in conversation, try to push your limits a little in small, manageable ways. For example, you could try any of the techniques we'll discuss later in the book, but for just 10 second bursts. Give the other person a short compliment that they don't really have to respond to and then hang back to see how you feel.

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Ask simple or yes or no questions. For example, is there a Starbucks near here, or what's the time? This is incredibly low risk, but still gives you an opportunity to speak up and get comfortable with doing so. Try not to put pressure on yourself to become a dazzling master of conversation overnight. You may force an awkward situation that just makes you feel worse and more nervous the next time you have to chat to someone new. Instead, keep it light and easy, go at your own pace, and give other people the floor whenever you're not feeling confident. Use the time to go into info gathering mode and just listen. You can still be great company even when you don't say a thing. Takeaways Good conversations don't just happen by chance.

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You need to actively work toward making them happen. In many ways, conversations and improv are similar. Like performers working in tandem, a conversation involves two people who are both responding to each other while being in sync. Neither the performers nor the interlocutors know how things are going to go, and the spontaneity is exactly what makes the improv or conversation fun. Recognize the importance of emotions to conversations. We rarely tend to reveal our emotional reaction to anecdotes or try to analyze what emotional state the other person is in out of fear of saying the wrong thing. But being emotionally intelligent in conversations puts others first, gets ego out of the way, and leads to conversations that are more intimate. We often go into conversations with a specific goal or topic in mind that restricts the ways we can engage with others and makes the entire affair drab. However, conversations can be enormously fun if we allow ourselves to take risks and treat it as an enriching two-person activity instead of us simply trying to get something from the other person.

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Conversations require you to be confident, and they can be nerve-wracking, but there are ways to become comfortable just talking to others. Push yourself to practice and talk to as many people as you can, but don't expect results overnight. Thanks for joining us on this exploration of improv and conversation. Remember, the key to having captivating and enjoyable conversations lies in embracing the unknown, being present, and recognizing the emotional journey of both yourself and the other person. To learn more, and to get some free materials from Patrick King, head over to bit.ly-slash-pk-consulting. Until next time, keep practicing, keep learning, and keep having fun with your conversations.