How to Build Strong Friendships: The Friendship Formula and Creating a Reality Distortion Field
Make Friends Easily: How to Charm and Connect in Record Time By: Patrick King
Hear it Here - https://adbl.co/3u0rxtc
00:00:00 Make Friends Easily
00:06:17 The Friendship Formula.
00:18:17 How To Use Schafer’S Formula To Your Benefit.
00:23:22 Create Your Own Reality Distortion Field.
00:28:39 Stay Present.
00:38:42 Reciprocal Curiosity.
00:52:02 Assume Nothing.
00:54:54 Person, Not Story.
00:57:29 You Go First.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CDWF4WLJ
Making new friends doesn't have to be a chore. Learn how to do it
quickly, efficiently, and effectively.
Networking events? Big group dinners? Karaoke parties? Please, no.
Get past boring small talk and deeply connect with others.
Make Friends Easily - it's a simple task, isn't it? But why is it so
hard in our modern age? There are so many distractions, so why should
people pay attention to you? That's your challenge and task, and this
book provides the answer. You'll learn how to become a presence that
people crave, how to get past shallow conversation, and how to make sure
that your connections are long and lasting.
It's simple, but not easy. So pick up this book to make it easier.
Discover the secrets to building lasting friendships and creating a
powerful personal presence. In this video, we'll explore Dr. Jack
Schafer's "friendship formula" and learn how to apply it to your own
life. We'll also dive into the concept of a reality distortion field and
uncover the techniques used by charismatic individuals to captivate
others.
Learn how to:
Increase proximity, frequency, duration, and intensity to foster
deeper connections.
Create a strong personal presence and leave a lasting impression.
Practice active listening and genuine empathy to build trust and
understanding.
Overcome social anxiety and develop effective communication skills.
Whether you're looking to make new friends or strengthen existing
relationships, this video has something valuable to offer.
Transcript
Deliberately incorporating doses of discomfort into your daily life can have
Speaker:physical and mental benefits.
Speaker:Discomfort,
Speaker:when embraced with the right mindset,
Speaker:can expand your capabilities,
Speaker:fortify your resilience,
Speaker:and boost your confidence,
Speaker:willpower,
Speaker:sense of purpose,
Speaker:integrity,
Speaker:creativity,
Speaker:and self-regulation.
Speaker:In fact,
Speaker:discomfort may be one of life’s most abundant resources—if you know how to
Speaker:tap into it.
Speaker:Here Are Some Things To Try -
Speaker:Fasting.
Speaker:Hunger is not the end of the world.
Speaker:Not getting what you want when you want it is not the end of the world,
Speaker:either.
Speaker:In fact,
Speaker:occasionally embracing your hunger will teach you that having an appetite for
Speaker:something doesn’t entitle you to satisfaction of that appetite,
Speaker:nor does it pose a serious threat.
Speaker:For most of us,
Speaker:hunger is occasional and not some awful emergency that needs to be quashed as
Speaker:quickly as possible.
Speaker:Basically,
Speaker:hunger is no big deal.
Speaker:Sit with hunger for a moment and you may realize all sorts of interesting
Speaker:things.
Speaker:First,
Speaker:you may be surprised to learn that the sensation you’re experiencing is not
Speaker:even hunger in the first place!
Speaker:Could it be boredom,
Speaker:sadness,
Speaker:anxiety,
Speaker:or just plain old greed?
Speaker:Are you just eating because of a completely mindless habit—for example,
Speaker:reaching for food because it’s a certain time of day,
Speaker:or because you saw something on an ad or on T. V. ?
Speaker:Another thing that happens when you embrace and ride out hunger is that you
Speaker:teach yourself that you can actually pass through unpleasant sensations.
Speaker:Babies and children have no sense of proportion or self-discipline;
Speaker:when they feel upset,
Speaker:they react at once,
Speaker:as though their whole world is ending.
Speaker:Then their mood will flip again just as quickly.
Speaker:But as an adult,
Speaker:you can learn to see sensations,
Speaker:thoughts,
Speaker:desires,
Speaker:etc. as waves that will emerge but also subside again.
Speaker:One of the best feelings in the world is watching a craving appear and then
Speaker:watching as it fades again,
Speaker:and seeing yourself no longer care about what you were obsessed with just a few
Speaker:moments prior.
Speaker:Think about what you can do with this capacity once strengthened!
Speaker:For example,
Speaker:a fasting practice may help you one day when you’re online and just about to
Speaker:make an impulse purchase.
Speaker:You pause and look at this “hunger” for material things.
Speaker:You decide to consciously let that hunger go unmet for a while.
Speaker:Maybe you’ll buy the thing tomorrow,
Speaker:if you still want it,
Speaker:but maybe you’re okay with just leaving certain desires unsatisfied?
Speaker:“Rucking” Or Strenuous Physical Activity.
Speaker:Humans are uniquely designed to carry loads over long distances,
Speaker:which was essential for hunting and gathering in the past.
Speaker:Modern humans,
Speaker:on the other hand,
Speaker:experience few physical demands and are only minimally connected to their
Speaker:material environment.
Speaker:A few connected problems may emerge .- We may lose physical conditioning,
Speaker:gain weight,
Speaker:suffer poor posture from hunching in front of screens for hours on end,
Speaker:become self-absorbed,
Speaker:and start to believe that our only way of connecting to the world around us is
Speaker:abstractly.
Speaker:Our money is digital,
Speaker:we eat food wrapped in plastic that has followed supply chains that are
Speaker:invisible to us,
Speaker:and other people have built our houses.
Speaker:Our lifestyles may mean that entire days are lost to a purely symbolic realm;
Speaker:we are sedentary and lose a certain embodiment,
Speaker:our senses becoming dull.
Speaker:One way to counter this is to drive in an S. U. V. to an air-conditioned gym
Speaker:after work so a paid personal trainer can guide you in the use of various
Speaker:expensive machines.
Speaker:Another,
Speaker:more authentic way is simply to do what your ancestors did - carry a weighted
Speaker:backpack for long distances.
Speaker:You’ll increase your cardiac fitness and muscle tone and improve bone density.
Speaker:You could drive,
Speaker:but become conscious of the things that are lost when you do.
Speaker:The idea is to set up a direct connection between your physical effort and some
Speaker:observable results.
Speaker:Look back and see how far you’ve walked.
Speaker:Notice how you are able to carry increasingly heavy loads.
Speaker:Feel the ache in your muscles and understand that it is a direct result of you
Speaker:taking real action in the world.
Speaker:Practice this sort of activity often enough and you will find yourself feeling
Speaker:more grounded and purposeful.
Speaker:For example,
Speaker:someone who regularly pushes themselves to camp on the weekends and carry heavy
Speaker:backpacks may discover that they are far more mentally tough at work.
Speaker:They notice that they are able to endure criticisms,
Speaker:delays,
Speaker:or difficulties with a much more robust attitude.
Speaker:There is a direct link,
Speaker:they realize,
Speaker:between this new attitude and their growing ability to put up with sore feet
Speaker:and keep walking no matter what!
Speaker:Embracing Boredom.
Speaker:Have you ever hung around at a train station or in a restaurant on your own and
Speaker:immediately felt the urge to reach for your phone?
Speaker:Chances are,
Speaker:you had to experience a grueling twenty or thirty seconds without entertainment!
Speaker:One of our most damaging cultural habits is the tendency to overvalue amusement
Speaker:and distraction.
Speaker:We may unconsciously believe that it is something close to a human right to
Speaker:never be bored—but is it?
Speaker:Our world has become so saturated with data that we have come to expect almost
Speaker:total and constant stimulation.
Speaker:We wake up and check our phones before we have even wiped the sleep from our
Speaker:eyes.
Speaker:We sit down to eat dinner and feel that the moment is boring unless we also
Speaker:simultaneously have a T. V. show to watch.
Speaker:We make sure that children have some kind of activity scheduled for every hour
Speaker:of every day,
Speaker:and when it’s time to do chores or homework,
Speaker:we feel compelled to make this as interesting and entertaining for them as
Speaker:possible.
Speaker:But if you had the privilege of growing up in a low-stimulus environment,
Speaker:you’ll already know that boredom is a gift.
Speaker:Open space and silence give you time to process,
Speaker:rest,
Speaker:and generate your own ideas,
Speaker:rather than just consume other people’s.
Speaker:Unplugging from constant distraction and noise actually enhances your own
Speaker:productivity and creativity in the long run.
Speaker:This is because the brain is forced into a more active and generative role
Speaker:rather than just sitting there and waiting to passively receive information
Speaker:from the outside.
Speaker:This is why so many people experience “shower thoughts” - profound or
Speaker:creative ideas and flashes of insight during a shower.
Speaker:For that brief moment in the shower,
Speaker:their brains are not being flooded with external information.
Speaker:Rather,
Speaker:it can contemplate things freely,
Speaker:making its own connections,
Speaker:coming to its own realizations,
Speaker:and generating its own theories,
Speaker:solutions,
Speaker:and questions.
Speaker:To embrace boredom,
Speaker:simply make sure you’re not always giving yourself something to do.
Speaker:If you’re waiting in the doctor’s office,
Speaker:just sit quietly rather than frantically looking for something to read.
Speaker:Give yourself twenty minutes every day where you just ...do nothing.
Speaker:There’s no need to try to turn it into some effortful meditation exercise,
Speaker:either.
Speaker:Just imagine turning the engine off in your brain and stopping for a while.
Speaker:You will develop patience,
Speaker:serenity,
Speaker:and better self-regulation if you are perfectly comfortable to just be who you
Speaker:are,
Speaker:in the moment as it is,
Speaker:without distraction.
Speaker:Some other exercises you can try to make conscious use of discomfort are -
Speaker:172 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:24,880 •“Temporary poverty”—spend a period of time consuming very little.
Speaker:Go without.
Speaker:That may mean dressing very humbly,
Speaker:eating little,
Speaker:or repairing something old rather than buying new.
Speaker:It’s not about punishment,
Speaker:and it’s not a competition.
Speaker:Rather,
Speaker:it’s about learning to master your own sensual desires,
Speaker:your fears,
Speaker:and your strengths.
Speaker:184 00:08:43,320 --> 00:08:43,320
Speaker:•Choose uncomfortable situations where a comfortable one would be easy and
Speaker:convenient.
Speaker:For example,
Speaker:take a cold or very short shower.
Speaker:Wear clothes that leave you feeling a little cold.
Speaker:Sleep on the floor or force yourself to walk somewhere even though you have a
Speaker:car.
Speaker:193 00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:04,080
Speaker:•Forego a pleasure that you might have been taking for granted.
Speaker:Decide not to drink,
Speaker:have a candy bar,
Speaker:or sleep in on the weekend.
Speaker:199 00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:11,920
Speaker:•Do things yourself.
Speaker:Wash your laundry by hand,
Speaker:write your notes out with pen and paper rather than on a P. C. ,
Speaker:cook from scratch,
Speaker:or figure out how to fix something without help.
Speaker:While you do all these things,
Speaker:remember not to become a martyr or get distracted by how miserable you
Speaker:are—that’s not the point.
Speaker:Rather,
Speaker:ask if the discomfort you’re experiencing is as bad as you thought.
Speaker:Ask if discomfort,
Speaker:even if it is great,
Speaker:truly stops you from doing what you need and want to do.
Speaker:Finally,
Speaker:pay attention to the fact that you can endure it,
Speaker:even learn from it.
Speaker:What else can you apply these lessons to?
